The Funny, Crotchtastic World of Retro Knitting

Trying to get a leg up in the world of high fashion knittery? Well, the models in this 1966 Spinnerin "Incredible Fashions" catalog sure are... and in virtually every picture!...

The cover sets the tone. This young lady demonstrates that while her knit dress may be terribly cute, a fashionable lady may need to... um... air out the general thigh-ish, crotch-esque region periodically on a hot day, lest she mildew... And there's no shame in doing that.

Like our friend "Carefully Casual" here. She's practicing her lunges for ski season, perhaps...

No matter where you are, a few lunges will help keep those legs slim, your balance strong, and your butt firm!

Or maybe you're just hanging out with friends... What stylish young lady doesn't feel more comfortable letting it all hang out?
It's the perfect way to pick up guys! None of that tiring second-guessing required!

See? These girls have it!...
Hands on hips, stick out chest, display crotch... you got it, girls! Perfect!

Even Barbra Streisand here knew the power of striking a leaning bowlegged pose...
It's what ultimately got her the lead role in "Funny Girl." Yeah, she can sing, but boy does that Barbra know how to display her nether-regions!

And wouldn't Clint Eastwood have wrapped up his "Good, Bad and the Ugly" quicker if the bad and the ugly had only seen him do this little pose?
They'd have been so distracted, he would have won the gunfight with ease!

"Wonderfully Uninhibited," this style is called. And yes, yes, you might say it is. Muy crotchtastico!

And our young and versatile friend here demonstrates that she, too, isn't so young she hasn't learned the right moves...
You can see, the man in back is admiring how effectively she's learned the Spinnerin Straddle, in spite of her young years.

Well, that about stretches this spread to the limit for today. Join me again Wednesday when the Treasure Box opens on some great goodies.

The Spinnerin Wives

There's little I love more than going to a thrift store and uncovering a collection of Spinnerin Yarn books, because I can guarantee--we're in for an amusing ride.

I still don't know whether this company had a streak of whimsy, or was dead-serious about their Yarnwork Couture. Are we laughing with them or at them? Only history, the photographers, and their marketing folks know for sure.

Like two I'm featuring today: "The Talk of the Town" from 1962 and "Best in Vests" from 1969. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up, folks.

For instance, here we have the region's Thieves' Guild, practicing for their annual Pickpocketing Competition and Association Barbeque...
Who can get the wallet out of the completely unrealistically-dangled handbag first? The winner gets a free pillbox hat (knitted, of course) and a Jackie Kennedy collector's plate in milkglass.

After that, there will be the manacled three-legged race and the 100-meter avoid-the-store-detective dash. As the music group The Smiths said, "Shoplifters of the world, unite and take over!"

Now, here, we have proof of what an excess of Aquanet can do...

Marnie and Peggy have been stuck together for the last 24 hours. It's something of a social experiment. Will one fight the other in attempt to survive? Or will they work together for the greater good? So far, things look rosy. They're actually sharing knitwear. Marnie went for the sweater, while Peggy chose the skirt.

Only when resources beyond wool-fiber start to become in short supply will we truly see what these women are made of.

My money's on Marnie. She looks like she knows more than she's telling right now.
Moving on, here we have the initial idea that spurred William Goldman's "The Stepford Wives." Originally, all Spinnerin models were built to specifications like this one, who was just a larger cast of the original 1950s Barbie doll mold...
Actress Joanna Lumley, and Ivana Trump, were also made out of variations of this mold. When this particular version, B19467, was originally produced, she was known for her position in Bamburgers department stores-- though typically wearing something a little bit more racy.

Last, WHAT did the photographer tell this group in order to get this particular pose out of them?...

"You're coy, but not too coy..."

"Nervous and cutesy, which is endearing, but also just slightly constipated...

"You're thumb-biters, the lot of you, and are in therapy for it... No, no, no-- not you, in the middle, you've got scoliosis and your scarf is choking you... Okayyyyy: go!"

Well, that about winds up this particular Spinnerin Yarns post. May the week ahead of you unravel into something fun.

Slope Opera with Spinnerin Knits

Welcome to today's exciting episode of The Sliding White, the world's first thrifted soap-opera in skiwear knitting booklet form-- sponsored by 1960s Spinnerin Knits...

Watch as simple fisherman's sweaters and ski pullovers tell a complex tale of love... hate... jealousy... snow-blindness... and men in stretch pants!

Today's episode of treachery and stitchery begins in Switzerland at the Piz Corvatsch at Silverplana. Says the book:

"2000 years ago the Romans came here, but did not ski,
... because they had no skis
...because they did not know the Corvatsch"

Also, probably because armor and leather skirts don't fare particularly well in cold, wet conditions.

But I digress.

Let's meet our cast of characters, shall we?...

Ah, here we have the tortured Chad Fingering and the fickle but beautiful Vivien Worsted... Chad has always loved Vivien, but has not been able to truly express his love for her because of his marriage to the cold, calculating Carlotta Featherlon.

Vivien, as we see, is a tease. What else could one say about a woman who is supposed to be modeling a sweater you can knit, but instead seems to be saying:

"Look at my crotch! See my fine skier's body in these leggings that are not even knitted!"

Yes, Chad and Vivien had had some fine times together... Like the day Vivien, who had been snowblinded at an early age and now must ski using her other heightened senses, playfully decided to start a snowball fight with someone who wasn't actually there...

Ah, how Chad and she laughed!

Unfortunately, getting a divorce from Carlotta isn't the only barrier to Chad's happiness with Vivien. There is the handsome Hunter Twist, Vivien's fiancee and Chad's best friend... and greatest rival.

Ah, Hunter always seemed to be so good at everything, always giving Chad unsolicited advice on skiing and never noticing how it made Chad grit his teeth in rage...

The oblivious fool!

Still, Chad could at least spend some time with Vivien... even if it meant bringing Carlotta along. He would ask her to wear a hat just like Vivien's... to dress just like Vivien... to wear her hair just like Vivien... And maybe then, she would be enough like Vivien that he could almost love Carlotta...


Kisses, stolen behind Hunter's back, were so easy when you were duping a guy with the attention span of a gnat, and putting the moves on a blind woman.

"Hunter, is that you? You smell... different."

Sure, Chad had tried to make it work with Carlotta. Showed her his big telescope. Tried to find something in common...
She even seemed almost happy for a moment, like her joy could melt the ice and her cold, cold heart. But to Chad, the only thing that really worked were their matching ski outfits in red, white and blue. Yes, knitwear was the only thing that tied them together, largely with a cable stitch.

Of course, when Hunter started paying attention to Carlotta, too-- well, that was it! Couldn't Hunter see their matching sweaters with hip and swanky belt buckles stitched right into them? Was there any greater sign that Chad and Carlotta were a commited couple?


What man in his right mind would wear something like this, if his beloved didn't make him?
So Chad decided: something had to be done about Hunter.

Yes, while four may go to the slopes this day, only three would return...


As they prepared to go down the slopes, Chad's plan was in order. He asked the group to pose for one photo, just to remember this day by...


Will the game warden get to Vivien before she catches rabies from the live raccoon she's been wearing on her head instead of her hat?...

Will Hunter stop eyeing up snowbunnies long enough to realize there is murder in Chad's eyes?

And has Carlotta discovered Chad's horrific plan, or does she simply have a bad case of snowfleas from her Yeti costume?...

The answers to these and other nail-biting questions in the next episode of... The Sliding White.

• Or, um, you might want to check out last Treasure Box Wednesday's post where we take a trip to the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival. Click here.
  

Keep warm and watch out for those treacherous skiers!

Gently Needling 60s Fashion with Spinnerin Knits

Fear... Friendship... Pain... Adoration and stalking... Knitwear-based chafing... You'll find them all here between the pages of Spinnerin: More Fun Time with Giant Jiffy Needles.

At a mere $0.45 cents at the Salvation Army Thrift Store in Greensburg, I felt I'd uncovered the entire range of human emotions wrapped up into an eight-page knitting and crochet instruction book.

Also, I kinda laughed out-loud in the book aisle. That was probably forty-five-cents-worth right there.

For its time, Spinnerin seemed to have had a pretty good handle on the trends in 60s/early 70s fashion... Like harvest yellows and oranges, aqua blues and short hemlines. But leafing through its pages, it stikes the viewer instantly that Spinnerin's inter-model posing was a bit on the... um... eccentric style...


I can hear the shoot director now.

"Okay, you, brunette: look at the camera. Now you, blondie: look adoringly at the other gal like a puppy who'll follow her anywhere. That's right! Very good!... Groovy, baby!..."

"Okay, you can stop now.... Blonde girl? You can stop now... Um, I got the shot... You can stop now... Please stop..."

"Okay, you're kinda creeping your colleages out now. You do know that, don't you? And I don't have a lot of film to waste here... We're on a budget."

I like how the brunette appears to be trying to project herself out of the scene entirely, by having gone to her happy place.

"She's still staring. I know she's staring. But I will use my one Method Acting class to imagine myself in a warm summer meadow... alone... with the sun beating down upon my face like this yellow knit dress I am wearing... It's filled with sunflowers, gently swaying... I can hear birds chirp and...

"Is she still there?...

"She's still there, isn't she?

"I knew it."

Finally, it looks like they had to send the blonde stalker for a little break. Only one of the other models seems concerned about what she's getting up to off-stage...

"What's she's doing now? Oh my gosh, Cheryl, it looks like she's dyed her hair brown and she's wearing all your clothes!..."

"Oh, that's definitely your favorite sweater, micro-mini and go-go boots, Cheryl!...

"And what's that she's carrying in that boiling pot? Oh, surely that's not...(gasp) Your pet rabbit, Mr. Thumper?!"

"Nevermind that, Lacy: look how I can turn my arm around the entire wrong direction! I'm double-jointed you know. Isn't that far out?"

Finally, though, after the blonde's breakdown, they've gotten her properly medicated and subdued. She looks almost like a new person! One way of controlling her seems to be through full-body knitwear...


The discomfort distracts her from anything else. In this shot she realizes she probably shouldn't have had the full glass of water with her 12:30 anti-anxiety pill.


Well, that about ties off and blocks this particular post of The Thrift Shop Romantic.

• For folks who missed last week's Treasure Box Wednesday, click here.

And this coming Wednesday's post promises an astounding array of goodies to share with you. When vendors at fleas are offering an additional 30%-50% off antique items, well, you just know it's going to be a good day!

Hope you have a terrific week ahead of you-- and knit-jumpsuit free. :)