The Spryford Wives: Recipes from Digestible, Commestible and Cult-endorsed Spry Shortening

Meet country-cooking mastermind, Jenny Wheeler and her devoted, deliriously happy husband Calvin. And why is Calvin so gosh-darned happy? Because he lives in Spryford, the one town where every wife knows how to use Spry vegetable shortening in all her baking and frying! Or if she doesn't, she soon will...

You know, that's one of the funny things about Spryford. Women come to the town-- career women no time, no interest, or no talent for baking-- but a few days with Aunt Jenny and, why, they're like a whole new person... Smiling perpetually, baking like crazy, and with a strange whirring gear-like sound when they walk...

Hm. Odd.

Well, today, we're going to take a look at this dandy little cookbook as Aunt Jenny spreads helpful hints about the goodness of Spry to take over-- er-- share, share with the women of the world.

I know James Lileks did a hysterical send-up of this booklet in his inimitable Gallery of Regrettable Food, but I hope folks won't mind my doing an entirely different treatment on it. When I found this booklet in an antique store in Butler, Pennsylvania for just $1, it seemed way too good not to play around with myself.

Yes, friends, let's watch as Aunt Jenny reprograms-- er, talks about Spry-- with everyone in the neighborhood, from new brides (it's better to initiate them when they're young and malable) to the postman. So come with me today as we check out Jenny's digestible, commestible, strangely close-knit and unnaturally euphoric world of Spry shortening.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Calvin: How did you ever decide what recipes to put in this book of yours, Jenny? Why, you must know thousands?

Jenny: Well, Calvin, I knew folks would want receipts for every day-- not too fussy or hard on the pocketbook, but good-tastin'. These sure are, - an' so digestible even a child can eat 'em. For they're all made the Spry way.

Jenny. She's folksy, isn't she?


That's what seems to draw them in. A sweet old lady with a round, kind face and a single-minded love of Spry Shortening. The photo on the wall was the real Jenny. The original Jenny. Before the transformation to the early animatronic model you see now.

The reason she remembers thousands of recipes is, her databank is quite large considering the technology available then. Sorting out a few recipes for this book was a matter of seconds.

Jenny: "Good tastin' food makes a heap of difference to any family, doesn't it ladies? And that's why you'll set such a store by Spry. It makes everythin' taste so grand...

"So get a can of Spry today... You'll say Spry blends with other ingredients faster'n you can say Jack Robinson!"

"Faster'n you can say Jack Robinson." Yep- Aunt Jenny was programmed with over 2,000 tried-and-true homey cliches. That was Calvin's idea. He wasn't sure what his ideal woman would say if he were listening --- though he was pretty sure it wasn't "Calvin, are you coming home late again?" Or "Calvin, are you ever going to pick up your own socks?" Or "Calvin, I was thinking about taking a trip to visit that Loovree in France and seeing DaVinky's Mona Liza."

So he just pulled together a nice assembly of pat phrases, witticisms and cute country mispronunciations to give it a real, legitimate feel.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Calvin knew, the moment Jenny went from thinking about seeing paintings in that Loovree, to baking for him 24/7, that moving to Spryford and... improving Jenny as they had... had been the best decision he'd ever made. Why, he almost can't stand the joy of it. Does any man have a right to be this happy?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Jenny herself never observed a change in her sentiments. She's been programmed not to. Nope, all she wants to do is share her knowledge about the wonders of Spry with women of the entire world. It's a driving need.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here you can see some of the other ladies of Spryville who have also been.... improved.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And Calvin, well, he wants other men to experience the marital and culinary bliss he's now enjoying. And it all starts with the magical, mind-blowing ingredients in that first can of Spry...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here we see young Elmer's mom hasn't been assimilated yet...


Elmer's mom is new to Spryville. She moved there to work on the Spryville Gazette, using her moxie in her job as investigative reporter. But soon Elmer will be delivering her this kind housewarming gift from Aunt Jenny down the road... A can of Spry. And then, well, we'll just see if she still thinks baking cookies is too much work.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Calvin wasn't expecting that condescending "husbands are like children" attitude to seep in, even after the Spry transformation. But the other husbands indicate it's a glitch in the programming they haven't been able to correct. They assure him it adds realism, in case outsiders start poking around. Besides, it's a small price to pay for happy little homemakers, and baked goods whenever they want 'em.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jenny's programming runs a bit amock sometimes. So strong is her need for Spry Evangelism, it sometimes extends into Spry promotion to some of the old bachelors of Spryford. Of course, Spryford is a family town, so no one really wants these strange old bachelors roaming around, anyway. Why didn't these fellows just settle down and have a family like they were supposed to? Well, a little Spry, a little tweaking of the Spry program, and why, perhaps they could be... improved... too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Here we see Aunt Jenny in the first stages of... helping... one of the new brides of Spryford. Soon the jibes about this girl's biscuits will be a thing of the past. And so will that novel she's been struggling to get published in her spare time. Yes, soon she won't be upset anymore by rejection letters, by potential agents and publishers looking down their noses at her beloved work. No, soon she'll finally be completely content, fulfilled-- just by baking with Spry.

It's an act of mercy, really.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Postman Cooper was there when Jenny was first... improved. He'd always thought she was a right handsome woman, and now that she's really a part of Spryford, why, he thinks she's the cat's pajamas. He stops by every chance he gets, to see her in action.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Calvin, meanwhile, has gained 40 pounds since his early days married to Jenny. But it's no problem, it's not as if Jenny will ever complain.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And lastly, here we see Jenny helping a couple of newlyweds start their marriage off right, with Spry intervention. In just a week, Jenny and the good citizens of Spryford help turn this bride into yet another example of Spryford perfection.

Yes, the way to the heart is through the stomach. And anyone in Spryford will tell you, the first step to the stomach, is through digestible, commestible and 100% cult-endorsed Spry.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

• Did you check out this last week's Treasure Box Wednesday, where we discovered the treasures of the Great Outdoors? Click here.

Otherwise, I hope to see you for this coming Wednesday's post! Hope September is treating you well so far.

Antiquing Adventures North of Pittsburgh

A little over a week ago, I received an email telling me about an antique mall just north of Pittsburgh, which I'd never heard of before-- the Wexford General Store Antique Center. With two floors and a number of dealers, it seemed a worthwhile little day trip. And honestly, given it's "Construction Season" here in Pittsburgh, there seemed very few places BUT north I would be able to reach without becoming ensnared in four-hour bumper-to-bumper backups. So a quick visit to RandMcNally and some driving directions from there to another antique mall I already knew of north of the city, and the adventure had begun.


It turns out, the Wexford General Store contains a rather delightful collection of dealers' wares. Strolling around the former general store's rooms ended up being a pleasant, relaxing visit. Many of the dealers had their items arranged with a real eye for presentation.

I became merrily waylayed in a series of rooms filled with new and antique books, for instance, entranced by art nouveau book covers and leather spines... Children's cheery picture books and thick historical tomes... I liked the little book-related vignettes, too, that had been crafted and displayed here and there. Like the Scrabble tiles below with their message about education...


There was a room entirely devoted to vintage clothing, and it felt like stepping straight into the past...


And there were antique and collectible items for essentially any interest, all showcased with the attention and care you don't always see in resale establishments.

I didn't buy much during my visit, only because there really isn't much I need these days. Just a Patricia Cornwell book analyzing the "Jack the Ripper" case (historically, that case and the mystery of the Richard III and the princes in the tower are the two that always seem to intrigue me). I also found some lovely early 1900s postcards of actresses I plan to research and share with you all at some future date...


Next on the agenda was a twenty minute drive to Wagon Wheel Antiques in Valencia, PA. A detour due to, yes, road construction, led me somewhat astray from my driving directions. But with a bit of reorientation and some luck, I managed to arrive at the Wagon Wheel without much added trouble.


The Wagon Wheel consists of a main house and number of outbuildings containing booths. The prices are good and the people who work there are quite nice.


I've gotten a few portrait plates here in the past, and my friend Josette had found a Staffordshire-like cat for her collection.

As a part of a long-time running joke with my friend Scoobie, I felt compelled to take a picture of the giant Blueboy statue in one of the outbuildings...

I think I might threaten to make a Christmas gift of it to her, to go along with the needlepoint Blueboy, porcelain Blueboy plaque, art deco Blueboy, and other Blueboy items that have already been forced on her for the collection she never really planned to have. (Insert maniacal laughter here... ) (Hey, if you can't give your friends a hard time, who can you torment?)

But I found a few non-Blueboy goodies at the Wagon Wheel, actually-- some early 1900s lusterware kitchen canisters very similar to a few I picked up a few years ago. I understand from the dealer that these canisters were a part of a much larger set that got badly damaged when some of the store's guests mistreated it and scarpered. He just came to find a number of the pieces destroyed.


At least now the remaining canisters have gone to a good home!

In another building, I found a World War II souvenir pillow cover for $3. This one is for the Navy and reads:

Remember Me
It is sweet to be remembered
When you're feeling sad and blue
It sets the pulse a throbbing
And it cheers the heart up, too
It makes the world worth living
To be remembered just by you.

The vendor I bought this from was asking what I planned to do with it, and I'd explained how these resided in my Shabby Chic/Cottagey guest room.

I think I perplexed her a bit when I relayed how entertained I always was by the strange combination of delicate pink roses and heavy weaponry on them.

With a full turn around the Wagon Wheel, it was time to get in the car and head another ten miles or so further north to Butler. There are a number of antique shops on and just off Main Street in Butler, so it seemed worthwhile to play them a visit.

I stopped at a St. Vincent dePaul along the way, and would have bought a piece of milkglass, but the cashier was nowhere to be found, so I ended up just putting it back and going...


And then it was on to downtown Butler. Folks considering doing this run, will want to keep in mind that many of the Butler shops close early on Saturdays-- usually around 3pm. So by the time I got there, two shops had already closed.

I did get an excellent old Spry cookbook for $1 which I think you'll get a kick out of in future posts. Aunt Jenny of Spry has lots of old timey wisdom -- in cartoon form, no less-- to share with us.


Well, that about wraps up our trip for today. For those interested, the addresses of the Wexford General Store and the Wagon Wheel in Valencia can be found here:

Wexford General Store Antique Center
150 Church Road
Wexford, Pennyslvania 15090
(724) 935-9959
wexfordgeneralstore.com

Wagon Wheel Antiques
1399 Pittsburgh Rd (Route 8)
Valencia, PA
(724) 898-9974

• For folks who missed Wednesday post where a meme asked "What's on YOUR walls?", click here to see.

Hope to see you for Treasure Box Wednesday of this week! Have a good one.