Nefarious Knitting with McCall's

Okay, so, Spinnerin Knits may have thought they had the "Most Bizarre and Creepy Modeling for a Knitting Catalog" category all sewn up, in the 1960s Weird Crafting Competition. But McCall's really had some purls-- er, gems-- of their own. Like in this "McCall's Knitting Book 4" from 1968...

From the very front cover, we have a sense that 60s strangeness might lie within. Here we have big sister Marcia Brady with little sis, Jan. Marcia smiles vacantly with dreams of being high school student council president, but Jan may have other plans.

I mean, am I the only one that gets the impression young Jan has more on her mind than comfy cardigans here?

Does she not look like she's, perhaps, gotten a bright idea for a little, um, sibling rivalry revenge, maybe?Can we really prove that very Brady football to the nose was an accident? Or did Jan spend a year's allowance on a little brotherly bribe?

Only time and mysteriously missing footage will tell!

Inside the book, one of the first things I spied was this ad for a different McCall's instruction magazine-- this one "Needlework & Crafts." And there were a couple of things that just seemed "off" to me...

First is why Mom here appears to be animatronic...
And then there are the Toychests from Hell...

Who's dad-- Charles Manson? Gomez Addams? What kind of parent paints tiki-mask versions of cuddly animals on little Suzy's toy boxes?

I mean, what do you tell the kid:

"Ah, if you don't put your toys away, Mr. Fangy-man on your toy chest will be angry. And you don't want Mr. Fangy-Man to be angry, do you, Suzy?"

Somehow I don't think the cost of therapy is going to balance out with the amount of money they saved with this do-it-yourself paint project.

The toybox may have already gotten to young Mary here...

Something about this kid's expression makes me nervous. Like she's saying, "No, the house just burned down. It was an accident. Nothing to do with me. I just don't know why the nice Mr. Fireman found that lighter in my room. And a gasoline can. And that C4. And that nitro glycerine."
Of course, Mom is one of the Stepford Wives...

She's powered down right now, which is why she stares so. And why she's in what looks like an uncomfortable, unnatural position. But don't worry. She doesn't feel a thing. We just oil her up now and then, give her a new battery, flip her switch and away she'll go.

And for our last photo... In case any of you were wondering what happened to Little Orphan Annie once she grew up...
Notice, she finally was able to get the cornea operation to help her eyeballs look more like other peoples'. Her Sandy, however, went on to train as a seeing-eye dog and help other children without irises and pupils.


Hope you got a chuckle from eyeballing this week's post. See you Wednesday, when the Treasure Box opens on the latest thrifted fun.

The Funny, Crotchtastic World of Retro Knitting

Trying to get a leg up in the world of high fashion knittery? Well, the models in this 1966 Spinnerin "Incredible Fashions" catalog sure are... and in virtually every picture!...

The cover sets the tone. This young lady demonstrates that while her knit dress may be terribly cute, a fashionable lady may need to... um... air out the general thigh-ish, crotch-esque region periodically on a hot day, lest she mildew... And there's no shame in doing that.

Like our friend "Carefully Casual" here. She's practicing her lunges for ski season, perhaps...

No matter where you are, a few lunges will help keep those legs slim, your balance strong, and your butt firm!

Or maybe you're just hanging out with friends... What stylish young lady doesn't feel more comfortable letting it all hang out?
It's the perfect way to pick up guys! None of that tiring second-guessing required!

See? These girls have it!...
Hands on hips, stick out chest, display crotch... you got it, girls! Perfect!

Even Barbra Streisand here knew the power of striking a leaning bowlegged pose...
It's what ultimately got her the lead role in "Funny Girl." Yeah, she can sing, but boy does that Barbra know how to display her nether-regions!

And wouldn't Clint Eastwood have wrapped up his "Good, Bad and the Ugly" quicker if the bad and the ugly had only seen him do this little pose?
They'd have been so distracted, he would have won the gunfight with ease!

"Wonderfully Uninhibited," this style is called. And yes, yes, you might say it is. Muy crotchtastico!

And our young and versatile friend here demonstrates that she, too, isn't so young she hasn't learned the right moves...
You can see, the man in back is admiring how effectively she's learned the Spinnerin Straddle, in spite of her young years.

Well, that about stretches this spread to the limit for today. Join me again Wednesday when the Treasure Box opens on some great goodies.

The Spinnerin Wives

There's little I love more than going to a thrift store and uncovering a collection of Spinnerin Yarn books, because I can guarantee--we're in for an amusing ride.

I still don't know whether this company had a streak of whimsy, or was dead-serious about their Yarnwork Couture. Are we laughing with them or at them? Only history, the photographers, and their marketing folks know for sure.

Like two I'm featuring today: "The Talk of the Town" from 1962 and "Best in Vests" from 1969. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up, folks.

For instance, here we have the region's Thieves' Guild, practicing for their annual Pickpocketing Competition and Association Barbeque...
Who can get the wallet out of the completely unrealistically-dangled handbag first? The winner gets a free pillbox hat (knitted, of course) and a Jackie Kennedy collector's plate in milkglass.

After that, there will be the manacled three-legged race and the 100-meter avoid-the-store-detective dash. As the music group The Smiths said, "Shoplifters of the world, unite and take over!"

Now, here, we have proof of what an excess of Aquanet can do...

Marnie and Peggy have been stuck together for the last 24 hours. It's something of a social experiment. Will one fight the other in attempt to survive? Or will they work together for the greater good? So far, things look rosy. They're actually sharing knitwear. Marnie went for the sweater, while Peggy chose the skirt.

Only when resources beyond wool-fiber start to become in short supply will we truly see what these women are made of.

My money's on Marnie. She looks like she knows more than she's telling right now.
Moving on, here we have the initial idea that spurred William Goldman's "The Stepford Wives." Originally, all Spinnerin models were built to specifications like this one, who was just a larger cast of the original 1950s Barbie doll mold...
Actress Joanna Lumley, and Ivana Trump, were also made out of variations of this mold. When this particular version, B19467, was originally produced, she was known for her position in Bamburgers department stores-- though typically wearing something a little bit more racy.

Last, WHAT did the photographer tell this group in order to get this particular pose out of them?...

"You're coy, but not too coy..."

"Nervous and cutesy, which is endearing, but also just slightly constipated...

"You're thumb-biters, the lot of you, and are in therapy for it... No, no, no-- not you, in the middle, you've got scoliosis and your scarf is choking you... Okayyyyy: go!"

Well, that about winds up this particular Spinnerin Yarns post. May the week ahead of you unravel into something fun.

Treasure Box Wednesday: Tiny Treasure

This last week was a bit of a slow one for me in terms of Treasure Hunting. The fact fine weather has led most folks outside to merry gardening, sunning and not-donating... well, new goodies on display were somewhat slim. But another part of it for me was need. In the midst of doing a clean-out myself, there really wasn't much that struck me as needing to come home to my house. I had particular things in mind I was hoping for which were just not meant to be this last week.

But I'm glad to share with you all the tiny treasures that did come my way. One of my favorites was this gorgeously blue hobnail salt dish...
It's only about an inch, inch-and-a-half square. Years ago, this was how guests to a dinner received their salt-- individual little dishes. For me, it's perfect to sit on a window sill and reflect the light. And what color!

At Junk for Joy in Jeannette, I got this nice Smith Glass lustered heart-shaped trinket box...
I have a lot of Smith Glass-- I'm drawn automatically to it because not only does it come in beautiful colors, but it's one of the few surviving glass companies from Westmoreland County's glass heyday. The style of their pieces are much the way they were back in Victorian times. And for me, you just can't beat that!

Lastly, at the Salvation Army Thrift Store, I was drawn to some very cost-effective stacks of vintage knitting magazines...
Technically, these are for you folks, for future posts. At $1.99 a bag, retro humor, questionable fashion sense and crazy modeling scenarios are pretty well bound to be between the covers of at least one or two pieces. And it'll be fun ferreting these out! I'll donate back the ones surplus to requirements.

Oh!-- and one piece of business before I go today! In case you didn't get to see yesterday's spur-of-the-moment post, The Thrift Shop Romantic is now on Twitter. You can join me here-- http://www.twitter.com/ThriftRomantic -- for discussions on thrift news, decorating, humor, and really just general chatty topics. Don't worry, I won't spam you or, worse, spend my Tweets telling you about how I need to clip my toenails or what I'm having for lunch (you'd be surprised how common that sort of non-info seems to be in the Twitterverse) :)

I hope to see you there! I'll follow back anyone who isn't a spammer, trying to show me pictures of themselves in their birthday suit, or hoping to enlighten me with some motivational course. :) (Again, more common than you'd think.)

Cheers, gang!

Humorous Hand-Knit Hunks of 1940s Red Heart Wools

While many of us may have our minds drawn toward Easter bonnets and frilly dresses, today we're going to take a look at knit menswear from the 1940s. Because:

1. These fellows would look pretty silly in frilly dresses and flowered hats and
2. The sweater marketing is funny enough that I simply couldn't wait until Fall to share.

The Chadwick's Red Heart Wools sweater instruction booklet assures us that:

"These are the sweaters Mostly Likely to Appeal to Men of Success. Here are the sweaters for every taste and temperament--"

If your man's temperament includes the perpetual accessorizing with pipes, booze and books.

Let's start with what our booklet dubs the Young Modern. Yes, this has to have been what David Bowie was thinking of when he wrote his song Young Americans. Except the lyrics need just a little tweaking...

"With his Red Heart worsted knit
He lays it down
He frowns
Gee my life's a funny thing
Like wool, life's too spun?"

What girl doesn't love the deeply philosophical type?

In Streamline Design, this young man practices romancing the ladies, Maurice Chevalier-style, on his T-Square ruler-- the closest he's likely gotten to dipping a dame.

"Oooh, la-la, mon cheri, you are so slim, so straight, so fully-flat... I love you like I have never loved anozzer... It is the Red Heart Worsted I wear which beats for you..."

Er, let's leave give those two a little privacy and move on to Executive Material. After 25 years loyal service, this fine fellow was working on a persona that would earn him that coveted in-office nickname. He was aiming for "Smiling Bob"...
Little did he know, the unnerving, forced quality of even his most pleasant expression had inspired everyone in the office-- from the copy boy to his secretary, Miss Tibbs-- to call him, "Creepy McCardigan."

Fortunately, he had not heard this whispered gigglingly over the mimeograph machine.

Maybe he would have enjoyed more personal rapport if his wife had knitted him the Good Mixer. Yes, the Good Mixer is the man who knows wearing striped pants and a checked sweater can only be truly set for Sexy when it's topped off with a big ol' bowtie...
The kittens will just be dying to touch it, to straighten it, to let him buy them a Rob Roy, to light their smokes. He's got the swinging society eating out of the palm of his hand-- the hand he casually tucks into his pleated trousers which is now losing feeling at the elbow because he's struck this pose for the better part of an hour hoping one of the girls would notice his panache.

Now, the Stag at Ease (and no, I didn't make that name up just to be funny) knows that nothing is more manly, more devil-may-care, more virile, than a dotted Swiss fluffy sweater.

Yes, friends, nothing more clearly says, "I'm single. I'm available. I'm the son of a mother who still makes all my clothes" than the Stag at Ease.

Why, this young buck defied his mommy this very morning-- manly-style-- by wearing the dotted sweater, yes, but with completely different trousers than the ones she laid out for him! Mother would be horrified. But the Stag, he doesn't care. It's a statement. Its his way or no way. And he's a real American rebel.

Here we have another free-thinker through wool fiber. Meet the Rugged Individualist. He stands out from the crowd because of his... er...
He's different from all the other guys wearing suits and vests and ties and carrying pipes because of... um... well...

He has a special creative flair as demonstrated through...

Er. Okay. So, yes, he looks just like every other 40s old dude with a pipe. But sometimes knowing when you need to blend in with everybody else shows your deep inner strength.

Yeah, that's it. He's just keeping all that ruggedness and individuality under wraps for now. Otherwise, well, who knows what would happen?

The Crew Captain, on the other hand, is dressed appropriately for his active lifestyle.Yes, time on the water has shown his ability to adapt to any situation. That's why his striped wool sweater has short sleeves instead of long. And he wears thick wool slacks and a watch that is not, in fact, waterproof.

He knows that a single capsize will leave his sweater sagging to his knees, his tweed pants soaked and itchy against his legs, and his wristwatch entirely ruined. Which gives him that added incentive not to fall in.

It's Iron Will and a Fight Against the Odds at its most spectacular!

Now we go from the local lakes and rivers to the icy shores of ancient Scandinavia. Because here we have The Viking...
Contrary to what historical documents would have us believe, Vikings apparently were very big on skiing in turtleneck pullovers. And we're in luck! At this very moment, Olaf the Mightily Mittened is preparing to go on an expedition to find new lands, plunder, pillage and... well... enjoy some s'mores and hot cocoa at the post-pillage party. (Don't forget the whipped cream. Vikings love extra whipped cream.)

Now I know what you're thinking. But there is an alternate version of the woolly cap where you can knit up some horns. Olaf just didn't go for those because they affect wind resistance.

And that, dear readers, about unravels the last of our look into the hand-knit hunks of Red Heart Wools.

I hope you'll join me on Wednesday, when we peer into the thrifted Treasure Box for this last week.

I'm going to hop off for some Eastery edibles now. I believe there are some candy eggs with my name on them.

Have a lovely day!

Sheep Tricks with Funny Knits

Sweaters. On a cold winter day, they warm us... Comfort us... And-- if the thrifted knitting instruction books we discuss today are any indication-- they can also make us look like giant psychedelic sheep in heat.

Join me today, as we examine the groovily 60s "Bernat Book of Irish Knits" and the awesomely 80s "Fashion Knitting."

...Because nothing says true sex appeal like being completely encased in a field of yarn livestock.

We'll start here, with the Rainbow Mills "Dolman Bomber Jacket"...

What exactly we're bombing with this jacket, I don't know-- one of Willy Wonka's cotton candy vats maybe...

If you thought the Augustus Gloop Chocolate Assault was a horror, imagine trying to get 100 gallons of spun pink sugar out of your fleecy outerwear.

Oh, and speaking of films, here we have the little-known prequel to Goldie Hawn's Overboard...

This was done when Goldie was still in Laugh-In, and her Overboard character Joanna was trying to get a sense of how good she might look in a yacht.

"Just hold this steering wheel up, darling, like we're traveling somewhere exotic and pretend you see something exciting off the starboard. Like a place we can stop for caviar."

Then we have these fine fellows. "Every detail is genuine, and every look is right," the book tells us...

So right, apparently, that they each wanted to try it on the same day. A bold move for their era, really-- coordinating matching outfits for themselves like this. And right down to the identical mock turtlenecks, too! I wonder what the folks down the pub think?...

Of course, in Knitland, you never know-- maybe no one will notice...

"Pssst, look at those lads wearing matching outfits, Siobhan. Who'd do a daft thing like that?"

"Um, well-- us, Meg?"

"Ah, right so... But... well... Let's laugh at 'em anyway. They look like big eejits."

Meanwhile, across the field...

"Pssst, Kate, all those people are wearing matching outfits over there, but even they're laughing at us. I know your mam made these hats for us, but I've had mine on for four hours now, and my forehead's starting to bleed. Can I not take it off?"

"Not yet, Sean, wait until mother's had a few more pints. Her observational skills won't be so keen then."

Clearly, the Mike Nesmith Monkees wool-hat look isn't quite suitable for everyone. Especially not, if you've just gotten a totally awesome homeperm, and you want a sweater to really show it off...

One just as soft... just as gravity-defying... just as frizzy as a pink-dyed poodle in a Miami Beach hurricane...

Yep, that's when you whip up this this Reynolds' Taboo sweater... As modeled by Art Garfunkel's long-lost daughter...
I bet Art was grateful for "A Hazy Shade of Winter" after seeing her sporting this colorful little number. Anything to block out that so-special "Yeti in a Punk Band" styling.

Well, that's all I have for you today, folks. I hope you'll join me again Wednesday when we take a peek at a couple of fun thrifted finds.

And I promise you-- there's absolutely no yarn involved. Stay warm!

Slope Opera with Spinnerin Knits

Welcome to today's exciting episode of The Sliding White, the world's first thrifted soap-opera in skiwear knitting booklet form-- sponsored by 1960s Spinnerin Knits...

Watch as simple fisherman's sweaters and ski pullovers tell a complex tale of love... hate... jealousy... snow-blindness... and men in stretch pants!

Today's episode of treachery and stitchery begins in Switzerland at the Piz Corvatsch at Silverplana. Says the book:

"2000 years ago the Romans came here, but did not ski,
... because they had no skis
...because they did not know the Corvatsch"

Also, probably because armor and leather skirts don't fare particularly well in cold, wet conditions.

But I digress.

Let's meet our cast of characters, shall we?...

Ah, here we have the tortured Chad Fingering and the fickle but beautiful Vivien Worsted... Chad has always loved Vivien, but has not been able to truly express his love for her because of his marriage to the cold, calculating Carlotta Featherlon.

Vivien, as we see, is a tease. What else could one say about a woman who is supposed to be modeling a sweater you can knit, but instead seems to be saying:

"Look at my crotch! See my fine skier's body in these leggings that are not even knitted!"

Yes, Chad and Vivien had had some fine times together... Like the day Vivien, who had been snowblinded at an early age and now must ski using her other heightened senses, playfully decided to start a snowball fight with someone who wasn't actually there...

Ah, how Chad and she laughed!

Unfortunately, getting a divorce from Carlotta isn't the only barrier to Chad's happiness with Vivien. There is the handsome Hunter Twist, Vivien's fiancee and Chad's best friend... and greatest rival.

Ah, Hunter always seemed to be so good at everything, always giving Chad unsolicited advice on skiing and never noticing how it made Chad grit his teeth in rage...

The oblivious fool!

Still, Chad could at least spend some time with Vivien... even if it meant bringing Carlotta along. He would ask her to wear a hat just like Vivien's... to dress just like Vivien... to wear her hair just like Vivien... And maybe then, she would be enough like Vivien that he could almost love Carlotta...


Kisses, stolen behind Hunter's back, were so easy when you were duping a guy with the attention span of a gnat, and putting the moves on a blind woman.

"Hunter, is that you? You smell... different."

Sure, Chad had tried to make it work with Carlotta. Showed her his big telescope. Tried to find something in common...
She even seemed almost happy for a moment, like her joy could melt the ice and her cold, cold heart. But to Chad, the only thing that really worked were their matching ski outfits in red, white and blue. Yes, knitwear was the only thing that tied them together, largely with a cable stitch.

Of course, when Hunter started paying attention to Carlotta, too-- well, that was it! Couldn't Hunter see their matching sweaters with hip and swanky belt buckles stitched right into them? Was there any greater sign that Chad and Carlotta were a commited couple?


What man in his right mind would wear something like this, if his beloved didn't make him?
So Chad decided: something had to be done about Hunter.

Yes, while four may go to the slopes this day, only three would return...


As they prepared to go down the slopes, Chad's plan was in order. He asked the group to pose for one photo, just to remember this day by...


Will the game warden get to Vivien before she catches rabies from the live raccoon she's been wearing on her head instead of her hat?...

Will Hunter stop eyeing up snowbunnies long enough to realize there is murder in Chad's eyes?

And has Carlotta discovered Chad's horrific plan, or does she simply have a bad case of snowfleas from her Yeti costume?...

The answers to these and other nail-biting questions in the next episode of... The Sliding White.

• Or, um, you might want to check out last Treasure Box Wednesday's post where we take a trip to the Greater Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival. Click here.
  

Keep warm and watch out for those treacherous skiers!