Against the Grain with Funny Recipes from Riceland Rice

Rice: a staple... versatile, filling and-- in spite of its mild-mannered exterior-- still able to raise eyebrows with the best of 'em. That's what we'll see here today as we take a peek between the covers of this 1970s Riceland Rice cookbook.

Prepare yourself for a world where political correctness just meant you'd pulled the lever the whole way down in the voting booth...

Where multi-culturalism meant putting cheap souvenir travel figurines next to the plate...

And where high cuisine looked like a crime scene on CSI.

Welcome to Riceland Rice...


We peel back the cover and immediately notice that ideas of what's in good taste have, um, changed a bit since the 70s...


From the cheerful stereotypical coolie mascot brandishing bowls of perfectly-cooked long grain rice, to the company's tagline, "Riceland Rice: Velly Nice!", I suspect their marketing firm spent most of their R&D time brainstorming during a Charlie Chan film festival.

But that's not the only good taste in question here. Because today's tastebuds might just find themselves swimming for shore over this "Tuna Time-Saver"...

"Meetings all day? No crisis about dinner with this casserole ready for the oven! And, its creamy, bubbly goodness and browned cheese topping will soothe your shattered nerves."

Personally, my nerves would not be soothed by a main dish that seems to be not only drowning in a swamp of cream of mushroom, but smiling about it.

Is it just me, or doesn't it look just a bit like a whole clown-car going down for the count under a tidal wave of white face paint?


Also, notice the random conch shell, the fish-shaped serving dish holding oyster crackers, and the potted plant on the table. They're there to say to the reader, "This is seafood. It's natural and festive. Pay no attention to the fact that the main dish is gurgling for a lifeguard on its third time going under."

This proven 70s decorating technique of Using Many Decorative Items on the Table to Distract From the Fugly Main Dish is leveraged again here, with "Robin Hood's Chicken"...


While less visually off-putting than the Tuna Time-Saver, certainly, I really can't figure out why this is called Robin Hood's Chicken. I don't recall any tales of Robin Hood robbing from the rich and then making a skillet casserole. But then again, I'm not perhaps as well-read as I should be in this historical time period.

Perhaps after a full-day of plundering and pillaging, Robin and his Merry Men enjoyed sitting around Sherwood Forest with a nice fry-up containing the free-range Nottingham woods chicken, peas, carrots, rice from a country they didn't know existed yet, and ketchup.

Or perhaps Robin just stole the meal from a lost nobleman who'd picked up take-away. Hard to say.

Should you decide to make this dish, don't forget to decorate the table in a smirking Robin Hood toby jug, an Errol Flynn feathered hat and some arrows!

Well, maybe rethink the arrows. The guests may get ideas once the indigestion kicks in.

And speaking of guests and indigestion, here we have the "Riceland Rice Oyster Ring"...

"Oysters take on new glamor and new taste in this exotic main dish.. yet it's simple as A-B-C- to make."

Yes, those are some glamorous oysters there. If "glamor" means looking a bit like something that needs to be lanced by your favorite health care professional.

You know, in most of these photo spreads, I've felt the surrounding decor has been over-the-top and unnecessary. But here, I have to take that back. Those three tiered glasses of mixed drinks really say something.

They say, "You might need a few toddies before attempting to dip in to this oyster ring. Blurred vision here is an asset."

I agree with them.

And while we're talking about blurred vision, no, this dish isn't really blurry. It's supposed to look that way. It's "sensational Indonesian Chicken-Shrimp Superb"...


My readers from Indonesia, feel free to pipe up here with your feelings on this dish. Does it remind you of your homeland? Just like mother used to make?

Um... no, I didn't really think it did.

But the cookbook says:

"Cooks in Asian countries are masters at combining unusual food combinations for sensational flavor. Here, shrimp, chicken, peanut butter and seasonings make a delicious and subtle blending of complementary flavors... A real conversation piece!"

And that conversation probably starts something like, "Oh, my, Gladys-- is that Crunchy Jif I taste?"

Note: don't forget to add dancing porcelain figurines to the table for color and interest... Also random oyster crackers to give your guests something to do while they push the main course around on their plates.

And now, let's head back to the U.S. with "Ham 'n Rice Unique"...


What makes this unique is its exotic blend of American cheese and, um, American cheese. The Crime Scene Investigation Unit will discover the precise molecular composition of that blend, once they conclude that it's okay, foul play had not occurred here.

"No, no, sir, we've determined that this wasn't the remains of a stabbing victim. This is just ham, shortening and tomato soup. Also a blend of American cheeses."

"Good work, men! Now bag it, tag it and send it off as leftovers."

Why is it, though, that so many of our casserole dishes from the 50s-70s looked like high-speed car crashes? Was it to assure us that what we were eating really had passed on?

Well, we'll find no answers here. And probably not with this next dish, either-- in the American Frontier, where the men were men and the "Frontier Beef Stews" used Worchestershire sauce from England...


The stew itself actually is one of the better-looking meals in this cookbook. I just wanted to show you that the next time you're looking for an attractive table centerpiece, look no further than your husband's gun cabinet!

From buckshot to beautiful in seconds!...

(Note: The Thrift Shop Romantic does not actually endorse putting weaponry of any kind on the dinner table... She is simply a smart aleck. Thank you. -The Management)

Now, I hear you folks saying to me, "Well, rice is nice, Jenn, but it's so... WHITE. I'd love to use it, but what I'd really need is to camouflage some of the other ingredients in these recipes. How can I do that?"

Fear not, my friends-- Riceland Rice has got you covered! Now you can "Tint it different colors!"...


From adding food coloring to make it any shade of the rainbow, to coloring it with maraschino cherry juice or carrot juice to add that extra flavor, "dress up a meal" in a kaleidoscope o' ricey color!

And how does that work out?

Well, just take a gander at the Bayou Country Creole Shrimp below, with rice simmered in tomato and cayenne pepper...


The tomato-cayenne makes the rice a nice and natural pink-- and really showcases the athletic abilities of the shrimp leaping through those sliced green peppers below.


You know, down in the bayous, they train shrimp to leap through hoops as a part of a miniature traveling circus show. It's gotten very popular over the years. People go down to New Orleans now for the jazz, Mardi Gras and synchronized shrimp swimming...

Little known fact.

But what if your guests can't eat shellfish and other meat? Or what if they just object to dining on something that's been trained to do splashy aquatic performances for crowds?

Well, then you serve them this "Glamour Vegetable Platter"...


Yup, it's that "glamour" again. Sure, many folks might think of glamour being a Hollywood film premiere, a major awards ceremony or an artistic magazine spread.

We Riceland Rice readers know it's really grated sharp cheese and mixed veg over cooked tomato slices!

Well, I'm afraid I'm all glamoured out for today, friends. I mean, this much exotic entertaining... this much sparkle and flavor... I just need to go and reevaluate my whole perspective on rice-based cuisine.

And I hope you all had fun today, as we went against the grain with everything we thought we knew about rice.

• If you missed Wednesday's post on Flowers, Feathers and FairyTale Finds, click here.

Otherwise, I hope you'll swing by this coming Wednesday as we succumb to Pyrexia, we go a bit deco and we wend our way along Route 30 antiquing.

Hm... think now I'll go make a casserole! Where's the ketchup?

Treasure Box Wednesday: Carnival Ride and Thrifty Thrills

Well, this antiquing and thrifting adventure weekend certainly packed a punch! Twelve of them, even...


Yup, in a trip down my beloved Route 30, I had a veritable carnival ride of goodies. Like this lovely blue Indiana Glass carnival punch bowl in blue... complete with the original cups... hooks... and even a ladle!... All of it came as a set from the L&L Fleatique in Adamsburg. How I do love that place!


I can just see a nice sherbety beverage in there, or perhaps a mulled cider in fall! Care for a sip?

My other favorite thing of the day was this beautiful Victorian photo album cover...


The pages and binding, unfortunately, are long-gone... but the celluloid cover is in just amazing condition. Back and front are intact. I think I'll just display it as-is.

It came from Graham's Antique Mall in Ligonier. I was carrying it around the booths and radiating unbridled joy, I suppose, since an older lady smiled at me and commented, "Ohhh, somebody's found something they love."

Is it that obvious? Erm... yes. Yes, it is. :)

Then my other-other favorite thing of the day (and will probably be a fave of my fellow Pyrexics, too) is this nifty Pyrex holly and pine mixing bowl I found at the Salvation Army...


...In an orange-red, I think I'll fill this with goodies for my friend Scoobie's mom... She loves red, and can certainly use the bowl. I can hear her oohing and ahhing now! I've never seen this pattern before-- and I see a lot of Pyrex at the thrifts. So that was exciting.

I also got this cool 1940s Homer Laughlin mixing bowl in a pattern that's called Orange Tree...


I liked it because it reminds me of William Morris Tree-of-Life inspired wallpapers. It's a very small bowl-- perhaps only six inches across. It was a whopping $0.99!

And it was at a Salvation Army I found this nice purple vintage hanky...


And a Trixie Belden for $0.49! T'is the season for Trixie Beldens it seems. I wonder why we're spotting her all of a sudden like this?


Lastly-- and this is the thing that will hopefully end up being a present for you all, as well-- I found us some fun vintage cookbooks to look at in future posts! (See, I think of you folks when I go out...)


Well, it's time for me to put the lid back on the Treasure Box for another week! Thanks for joining me-- as always. I enjoy hearing from you all immensely.

If you didn't get a chance to see the "Bag of Old Papers" post from Sunday, that'll be tucked away here.

And otherwise-- hope you have spring in your step, and in your gardens, too!

Even More Brow-furrowingly Funny Vintage Ads

Last Sunday, we dug into Successful Farming magazines of the 20s and 40s, a time where the people were of, um, unnaturally strong fiber.

So today, join me for part two of this excursion into the past, as Mrs. Willers gives us the willies over "Glasbake"...

We learn the right way to use "spandy-clean" in a sentence...

And we meet the, um, hot chicks of farming, 1927-style...

Let's get started!


We begin with a whole new level in garment suds-boosting hydro-submergence technology (okay, laundry... doing laundry). Introducing new "Anti-Sneeze Rinso"...


"The Rinso people aim to please..." sing delighted cartoon ladies on ice skates. "They've made new Rinso Anti-Sneeze!"

Yessir, I always croon about my laundry detergent al fresco as a form of personal Ice Capades. Doesn't get the really big crowds going, of course, but is great exercise and good way to get the message out to the local hockey team...

Those jerseys could be whiter.

Like so many ads in the 40s, Rinso emphasizes the benefits of their product through broadly-smiling generic comic character endorsements.

Here our Housewife Heroine tells her smiling husband just how much they're saving using Rinso...


The friend, Mary, of course, is just a genius about these things. All the smart housewives in the neighborhood turn to her for tidbits of information on everything from Rinso and Spamburgers, to how to know if that lipstick on their husbands' collars really belongs to the secretary.


"And Ed, look how spandy-clean your shirts are?" Yep, I bet Ed can barely enter the office without coworkers stopping him, gasping and saying:

"Gosh, Ed-- your shirt's looking so spandy-clean today! Just how does that wife of yours do it?"

And Ed says, "Why, I'm glad you asked, Bob! I agree, my shirts have never been more spandy-clean since Peg started using Anti-Sneeze Rinso. That gal is sure is swell!"

I'm not sure why the, er, Pro-Sneeze Rinso prior to this appears to have been, in fact, less spandy-clean. But then again, I'm not entirely certain I want to know the answer to that, either.

Well, once you've done the wash, it's time to make-up that face of yours. And who will show us how to do it?... Who?... Who?...


Marge Simpson's grandmother, for Armand Cold Cream Powder!... Didn't know that famous blue -do was hereditary, did you?...

The text reads:

"Your prettiest face...
It's the one you look at last
as you leave your mirror...
Is groomed and dainty....
Fresh as a June rose. The
problem is: to keep it that
way always when you're busy
...dancing, working or en-
gaged in outdoor sports.

So basically, it's a really nice way of saying, "Look, lady, this is as good as it gets and it's all downhill from here. "

But Marge's grandmother knows: the cold cream powder helps her tone down that famous, jaundiced complexion, and keep it looking fresh as a yellow rose.

So after you've made up your face? Then why don't you make yourself welcome and... um...



...Stop scaring off small children with your bad breath? Ah, but it isn't just children is it? No!! It's manicurists! One-hundred and eleven of 'em!:

111 Manicurists say that halitosis is apparent in about every third customer-- every one of them men from the better walks of life. Who should know better than they? Fact to face evidence.

That's right-- one in three well-to-do men will apparently spend money on getting themselves a nice set of French tips, but not on an economy-sized bottle of Listerine. And hey-- if 111 manicurists say so, why, it simply must be true!

Of course, you'll need fresh breath-- for all the gasping and crazed laughter you'll apparently be doing when you get your FREE GLASBAKE SET!...


"Just say the word to your husband... and see how easy it is to get this whole set!" the ad tells us.

Down at the bottom of the ad, you'll note Mr. Martin Willers is a whole lot less enthused about the "famous, genuine" Glasbake than Mrs. Willers is up top. In fact, what they're not telling us is, Mrs. Willers gets just as excited about peas... And checkers... And gowns that tie in the back.

Yes, you guessed it, Mrs. Willers is an inmate of Sunnyside Sanitarium! She won't actually be allowed to take the Glasbake with her-- she could shatter one of the pans and use the glass to injure herself or others.

But, as Mr. Willers says, "Daggumit, jest look how happy she is! You gonna take that away from her?"

They'll order it and bring the Glasbake to see her on visiting days.

And now we go from the manically-ecstatic, to the mildly-entertained land of disembodied heads...


"In my opinion, insulated Texaco motor oil is an oil that ensures protection," say Herbert Harloff, whom we've never seen before in our lives but we automatically trust, due to his good-natured smile and nifty Gabby Hayes hat.

And if Herbert isn't enough to persuade you, Texaco offers you three more floating heads to offer the kind of sincerity heads with bodies just cannot provide...


Like Elliot Ness up top, who wasn't quite paying attention because he had a few other things on his mind...

And then that, um, German villain from Raiders of the Lost Ark below him...

And then, lastly, maybe the first husband of this stunning starlet...


Mrs. Jim Moore... Under that mild, spectacled exterior lurks a woman who is bound and determined to give you "here, for the first time, the one thing you've always wanted."

Money? Fame? Gregory Peck?

No! Who wants all that rubbish when you can have chickens! And not only does Mrs. Jim Moore sell chickens but she's also "hiring men or women chick agents-- no experience necessary!" Chick agents?

So, um, when the chick agent closes a deal does he have to place a call to his peeps? (yeah, yeah, I know, but I had to.)

Ah, but now we see Mrs. Jim Moore has some tough competition-- from this elegant beauty...


Gusta B. Atz. But Gusta doesn't sell chickens... Nope-- she sells "chix." It's interesting to see chicken sales was such a female-dominated business. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "hen party."

I love, too, how much times have changed. Check out what Mrs. Atz says here:

"I enjoy the confidence customers are manifesting in us with their hard-earned cash... Parting with cash in advance requires confidence. I repeat that we appreciate this and personally pledge myself to retain this confidence."

Today, it'd be more like:

"I enjoy the confidence customers are manifesting in us with their hard-earned cash... Parting with cash in advance requires confidence. We appreciate this and should be having a grand ol' time in the Cayman Islands soon. We will send you a postcard."

It does seem, though, that being a chick agent was a rough life. Those women look so terribly sad...

Or perhaps they'd just had this for dessert...

Apple jewels in tapioca... beeee-oootiful!

Perhaps the aesthetic beauty in the 20s/40s was different than today? What do you think?

Hope you enjoyed today's 100% laxative-free post.

• If you missed part one of our post on vintage ads from Successful Farming, click here.

If not-- perhaps I'll see you Sunday! Hope you have a lovely week. (And stay warm!)

International Tour de Force with Breast-O'-Chicken Recipes

Breast-O'-Chicken. The name says... well... tuna, with a serious identity problem, actually. But not just any tuna with a serious identity problem, oh no! This is tuna with a serious identity problem, circa 1949, AND which is brought to you by:

"...A venturesome expedition to waters where this aristocrat of game fish, the fighting tuna, tests the skill of brawny men, so that the tables of the nation may enjoy a sea food which has no equal in flavor, nourishment and versatility!"

Gosh, I can almost see the American flag waving, can you? Bless you, oh Brawny Fishermen for risking life and limb to bring tuna, which thinks it's barnyard fowl, to my family's table!

And when the Breast-O'-Chicken folks talk versatility, they mean it! In Breast-'O-Chicken Brand Tuna Recipes by Frank Decatur White, we will journey to the ends of the earth and see exciting ways to tame the fighting tuna into a delicious, nutritious, versatile and oh-so-international cuisine.


Let us start by stepping South of the Border, with "Breast-O'-Chicken Mexican Pie"...


Mmm-mmm! Put on your sombreros, mi amigos, and dig in to this muy delicioso combination of American Cheese, tomatoes, tuna, chili powder, red beans and corn meal.

What--? Didn't you know American cheese was an important ingredient in all things Mexican? Well, Mexico is after all in North America, isn't it? American cheese is clearly for everyone.

And you know how our compadres in Mexico love to use tuna in all their traditional dishes. Gosh, enter any true Mexican restaurant and you'll be treated to a wide array of dishes featuring none other than our friend, the aristocratic fighting tuna.

Tuna tacos... tuna burritos.... tunachangas... The beef and chicken and refried beans we instantly think of when we think of Mexican food is, in fact, just a myth. Tuna really is what makes our brothers and sisters to the south say, "Olé!"

And what about our friends across the waters in Asia? Have they not experienced the protein-filled goodness that is canned tuna? Why, yes, they have! With "Tuna Oriental"!...



What makes this so gosh-darned Oriental is the exotic, Far East flavor of... um.... peas... Er, and... panfried bacon... And.... tomato soup? And... mushrooms?...

Hm. Well, I can probably stick to sight-seeing when I go to China next, since apparently they eat everything we eat over here.

Oh, wait! Chow mein noodles! It's served over Chow Mein noodles. That's totally "oriental"! Now, that makes it all worthwhile.

Ah, but Breast-O'-Chicken has another Asian dish for us today. Just look at this appetizing "Tuna Chop Suey" which does not in any way appear to have fly larvae hatching in it...

Of course, this features a tin of our beloved Breast-O'-Chicken fancy tuna... But it also involves mushrooms, bamboo sprouts, celery, green peppers, soy sauce and... veal. I hadn't known veal was big over China, but apparently that's another tid-bit of information to broaden my cultural knowledge.

Gosh, these Breast-O'-Chicken folks sure are worldy, aren't they?

So now, we find ourselves heading to Europe, spirited off to one of the finest bistros of Paris. And what have we here? Why, ooh-la-la! Mouths will water over this "Souffle O'Tuna"...


Did you know the "o'" is used regularly in the French language? It is! We here in America typically misspell it as "au." But the real spelling, "o'" harkens back to a little-discussed Celtic invasion of the area now known as France. The Irish and French just don't like to talk about it.

Well, now, let's head back to the good ol' US of A, South of the Mason-Dixon line, and enjoy a nice heaping plate of "Cutlets of Tuna Southern-Style"...

These are cutlets hand-formed with love by you, from chunks and flakes of tuna-- isn't that clever? And the key ingredient in seasoning them is... Worchestershire Sauce! Perhaps they should have gotten together with the Lea & Perrins people for a nice cross-over cookbook.

I suppose when they said Southern, they were meaning Southern England-- what do you think?

Crimeny, these dears at Breast-O'-Tuna just keep making our world seem bigger and bigger, don't they?

Now, in honor of those Brawny Fisherman we were talking about earlier, Breast-O'-Tuna gives us this tribute recipe-- "Tuna Planked Steak."

This savory dish includes several tins of tuna, peas, tomatoes, breadcrumbs, milk and--- surprise-- spiced peaches! A veritable smorgasbord all in a single fish-shaped dish. I simply don't know how they come up with these mind-blowing ideas.

And just when I think we've done all that can be done with tuna, the Breast-O'-Chicken people outdo themselves once more. Like with these "Tuna City Chicken Legs..."


Why buy actual chicken which has chicken legs, when you can use your artisic talents to take a tin of fancy tuna and mold it into chicken leg shapes? It seems so obvious once they've said it, which is why we all need recipe books like this.

Arrange the molded legs into an appetizing wagon wheel shape, and then put hominy in the center, just to tie it all together. Pour onion gravy over everything!

Now, here, it might just look like the red tide's gone out in the Everglades.... But this is, in fact, "Tuna Eggplant Cutlets."

These little islands of edibles are a unique combination of eggplant, potato chips and tuna. The coloring is paprika-- apparently LOTS of paprika.

And don't forget to garnish with lemon slices! (The photographer here apparently did.)

Now what if you have to make some quick hors d'oeuvres for guests and you don't have much on hand? Well, a single tin of Breast-O'-Chicken tuna will allow you to make this eye-popping party platter....


Combine tuna with 7 hard-cooked eggs, salad dressing, bacon, olives and our nutritious friend PEANUT BUTTER and you won't have to worry about short-notice guests ever again.

No really.

You won't.

Ever.

Lastly, it's Sunday, right? And you want to treat the family to a nice Sunday dinner. Why not try the "Tuna Sunday Supper"?...


Just arrange the following ingredients into "Kilroy Was Here" faces on bread: tuna, mushrooms "little pig sausages," parsley and a thick white sauce.

Yesindeedy, that's some serious stick-to-your-ribs (and possibly spackle your drywall) home cookin'.

Well, I hope you all learned as much as I did today about the versatility and adventure associated with fancy tuna. I think it's good for us to educate ourselves like this and truly expand our horizons.

Tonight, I think I'll try that Breast-O'-Chicken Mexican pie. I've got some American cheese and tomato sauce in there just waiting to become high International cuisine.

• If you missed last Treasure Box Wednesday, as we go all jolly-holidays with Tuesday Morning, click here.

Hasta luego, mi amigos!