Lunch and Brunch Unfit to Munch

Last week, Better Homes and Gardens helped us decorate our swingin' pads with eye-bleeding paisley, fluffy yarn centerpieces, and Robot Victorian style. This week those halcyons of the household take us into the kitchen to show us why breakfast is the most important meal of the day...

Largely, because it's what you should have before coming to one of their brunches or lunches...


Our journey begins here. You've heard of the Trojan Horse? Now meet the Trojan Chicken...


Inside this distracting blue glass hen lurks the dangers of eggs slathered in cream sauce. The egg whites lie in wait at the bottom, underneath the sauce, primed for their cue as second wave support, armed with pointy, pointy toast spears.

While the egg yolks have been sieved into a platoon of granular egg soldiers, ready to surge forth the moment the chicken's cracked open, and conquer the taste buds. They will fight your digestive juices all the way down.

Breakfast has never been so exciting!

Now-- what if you're a single person, without a smiling face to chat with over the breakfast table? No problem! You can create your own, with this "glamourous" eggs benedict.

Sure, it looks like ol' Benedict there is cross-eyed and suffering from some sort of eye infection. But you're single. And you're not getting any younger. You really shouldn't complain.

In fact, if you weren't so picky in the first place, you wouldn't be spending your life alone, would you? But no, you always have to find some little fault with your dates. It's always "This one has weeping eye sores. That one's a mortician and stinks of formaldehyde. This other one taxidermies chipmunks for fun."

It's always something with you. So just sit here with your new friend Benny and try to find something to talk about. No arguments.

But, if things really don't work out between you two, then maybe you'll enjoy this theme brunch instead. I call it the "Mayo Melee"...
Yes, indeed, from the mayoed egg salad to the halved and stuffed to-mayo-toes, you'll say it's a sure case where cholesterol is more!

Maybe you can even squeeze some mayo into those whipped desserts, what do you think? Imagine the surprise they'll get to find that whipped cream is actually packed with mayonnaisey fun!

Ah, but stand back-- I think this next dish is just about ready to blow...

You'd think the retin A would have cleared that up by now, wouldn't you? But, then, Mary had to keep touching it. And it just got bigger. And redder. And it sprouted cherry clusters.

Eventually, it grew into this-- ring around the rosy, bubonic plague style...

Don't you hate it when you start breaking out in tomato aspic? Because once you see those raised aspic bumps, you know the dripping potato salad is soon to follow.

Well, that about dishes up today's post! But I'm sure you'll want to all run off, make one of these mouth-watering creations and share it with the ones you love...

Or, y'know, family.

And don't forget to knit up a floral bouquet for your centerpiece!


And otherwise, I hope to see your smiling faces this Wednesday when I tell you about a very unexpected thrifted find!

12 comments:

JD at I Do Things said...

Boy, I do NOT like the looks of that eggs benedict face. You can name him Benny all you like, but he is evil. Put him up against the Trojan Chicken. I think I know who would win.

Lois said...

Hi Jenn.
I wonder when the ladies of the house did all this brekkie food?
Good Lord! they would have had to have been up with the roosters to get everything made by the time the rest of the family was ready to eat.
Really, when you think about it, a box of cheerios and a carton of milk is so much easier AND you needn't worry about the eggs benedict looking cross-eyed!
Plus you needn't wear an apron if you are not so inclined.
I guess with my attitude I will never make the cover of Good Housekeeping will I?!?! LOL! :)
Thanks for sharing Jenn and have a great week.
Lois

Jenn Thorson said...

JD- I, too, think I will be forgoing the eggs benedict. And the mayo salads are pretty much a nightmare for me, the mayophobic. :)

Lois- I pretty much think the entire day would be taken up by prepping to cook, cooking, washing up from cooking and then planning the next meal. I don't have it in me. I think I'd have been a lousy housewife! :) You have a great week, too!!

chyna said...

The eggs benedict just scares me, best diet plan ever. Just make your food mean looking and staring at you with those cross eyed glares. Buhaaaa

Jenn Thorson said...

Chyna- Yes, it's clear that eggs benedict is becoming a TSR fan favorite, isn't it? :)

nicolette said...

Doesn't seem like something I would be grabbing off the plate any time soon. Especially the egg benedict, don't you think?

Nicolette
http://www.furnitureanddesignideas.com/

Melanie said...

Another Egg-cellent post! :)

Seriously, did people really make and eat those recipes. Makes me sort of queasy just looking at it.

Hapi said...

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Lauren said...

hmmm i wonder how often people actually ate these things? it makes me a little nauseous thinking about it...

ahhh, the simpler times when all a person needed to do for a dinner party was mix whatever they found in the refrigerator with a little bit (ok, a lot a bit) of mayonnaise and they were good to go...

Down Pillow said...

Wow, food styling has come a loonnngggg way since then :)

Jenn Thorson said...

Nicolette- I went through the entire book thinking there wasn't much I really wanted to eat there. :)

Melanie- Oh sure they did. My mom, while a great cook, was always trying to sneak something questionable into the scrambled eggs. (She'd put in cream cheese-- which I have never come to terms with.) It's only recently I actually like breakfast again.

Lauren- Yes, you do wonder what folks thought when they came to dinner and basically got a mish-mash of leftovers.

DP- At least we think it has for now. In 20 years we might look back and feel differently, ya never know.

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

lol, the Trojan chicken. yeah, food was skeeery back than