Sheep Tricks with Funny Knits

Sweaters. On a cold winter day, they warm us... Comfort us... And-- if the thrifted knitting instruction books we discuss today are any indication-- they can also make us look like giant psychedelic sheep in heat.

Join me today, as we examine the groovily 60s "Bernat Book of Irish Knits" and the awesomely 80s "Fashion Knitting."

...Because nothing says true sex appeal like being completely encased in a field of yarn livestock.

We'll start here, with the Rainbow Mills "Dolman Bomber Jacket"...

What exactly we're bombing with this jacket, I don't know-- one of Willy Wonka's cotton candy vats maybe...

If you thought the Augustus Gloop Chocolate Assault was a horror, imagine trying to get 100 gallons of spun pink sugar out of your fleecy outerwear.

Oh, and speaking of films, here we have the little-known prequel to Goldie Hawn's Overboard...

This was done when Goldie was still in Laugh-In, and her Overboard character Joanna was trying to get a sense of how good she might look in a yacht.

"Just hold this steering wheel up, darling, like we're traveling somewhere exotic and pretend you see something exciting off the starboard. Like a place we can stop for caviar."

Then we have these fine fellows. "Every detail is genuine, and every look is right," the book tells us...

So right, apparently, that they each wanted to try it on the same day. A bold move for their era, really-- coordinating matching outfits for themselves like this. And right down to the identical mock turtlenecks, too! I wonder what the folks down the pub think?...

Of course, in Knitland, you never know-- maybe no one will notice...

"Pssst, look at those lads wearing matching outfits, Siobhan. Who'd do a daft thing like that?"

"Um, well-- us, Meg?"

"Ah, right so... But... well... Let's laugh at 'em anyway. They look like big eejits."

Meanwhile, across the field...

"Pssst, Kate, all those people are wearing matching outfits over there, but even they're laughing at us. I know your mam made these hats for us, but I've had mine on for four hours now, and my forehead's starting to bleed. Can I not take it off?"

"Not yet, Sean, wait until mother's had a few more pints. Her observational skills won't be so keen then."

Clearly, the Mike Nesmith Monkees wool-hat look isn't quite suitable for everyone. Especially not, if you've just gotten a totally awesome homeperm, and you want a sweater to really show it off...

One just as soft... just as gravity-defying... just as frizzy as a pink-dyed poodle in a Miami Beach hurricane...

Yep, that's when you whip up this this Reynolds' Taboo sweater... As modeled by Art Garfunkel's long-lost daughter...
I bet Art was grateful for "A Hazy Shade of Winter" after seeing her sporting this colorful little number. Anything to block out that so-special "Yeti in a Punk Band" styling.

Well, that's all I have for you today, folks. I hope you'll join me again Wednesday when we take a peek at a couple of fun thrifted finds.

And I promise you-- there's absolutely no yarn involved. Stay warm!